That's Life!

My colleague is back from medical leave for one month and yet my boss still wants me to report and cover some of his jobs which I was doing during his absence. :(

My feelings are …. %#@^ ??? :(

And the projects -many and difficults -are still in development with problems. (which probably stir up fear)

But my LORD is my strength, I will not be shaken.
He makes my feet like hind feet,
He steers me through the quicksand;
And in HIS strength, I will gladly do what is before me!

Learning to seek peace

When things go wrong, finger pointing is very common :(

Worst is when you are unknowing caught into it. And that is what I am in the midst of it now.

Since last year, we have collaboration with an Australian guy (stationed in Singapore) on a UK project. My engineer, who resigned last month was working on it and has handed over to this Australian guy since September 2009. We thought everything was going on smoothly, since we have not heard of it for the whole one year or so… Then last week, he started to find faults. He started to question our design, the way we did things and all the craps … emails that are very hard to read and swallow, and arouse an immediate retaliation.

And on many occasions, my spirit within me was very stirred up. It’s a challenge to hold on to peace. Many times, I felt like speaking up and replying to all the emails but … still it take great strength to remain calm. And thank God, the fruit of the Spirit is GENTLENESS – strength under control.

And so, I just keep to the technical issues and try to resolve the problem. As to the sarcastic remarks about our design not properly done, poor ways of doing things, etc… these are just personal opinions that I choose to ignore.

During Sunday Bible study, one verse seemed like God’s voice telling me what to do:

Depart from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.
(Psalm 34:14)

No wonder I was very much constrained in spirit not to do evil things.


Monday (yesterday):
As I was talking to my product manager who was also involved in this project, he started cursing and using the f*** word at the Australian guy (though not in his presence). I thought I was the only one getting emotional.

I am still learning to seek peace.

Devotional Thought: Being Approachable

How approachable are you?

When people have trouble or need an advice, would they approach me to seek me out for help?

NO! :(

These thoughts linger on my mind as I read today’s devotions from Our Daily Bread on Mark 2:13-17. Our Lord Jesus Christ was so approachable that even sinners and tax collectors ate with him.

As for me, no, I don’t think people see me as approachable. There are even people in the church who reject me as friends in Facebook. At least 5 people, as far as I can remember. So, that says so much about me.

And that is the main reasons why I am disqualified to be a leader in the church. It is not about doing things here and there in the church.

It is about connecting with people.

Sermon reflection: The sanctity of Life

Actually, the passage on Leviticus 17 is not about calling us to respond with:

“Lord, what can I do for you?”

or

“Lord, what do you want me to be?”

The whole passage is about BLOOD. And blood is LIFE (verse 14).

(Ya lah!, the word “blood” keeps repeating in the whole passage)

When an animal is killed, the blood is taken out and the animal dies. In Leviticus 17, the Israelites were told not to anyhow dispose the blood or even eat (or drink) the blood (verse 4 and 10).

If the animal is used as a sacrifice, the blood must be brought to the entrance of the tent of meeting (verse 4). If the animal is slaughtered for food, the blood must be poured out on the ground and cover with earth (verse 13). Here, we see that when death occurs, it must return to the LORD. (The tent of meeting is GOD’s presence (v4). The earth (v13) belongs to GOD). So, life or death, the animal belongs to God.

We all know that God is the creator and giver of LIFE (Genesis 1 & 2). So this passage reminds me that God is also the receiver of DEATH. Whether I live or die, I belong to GOD. Likewise for every creatures that have life, including animals and human. Do not take the life (which is the blood) and offer it to idols or abuse it by drinking it. Only God has the right to life.

It’s all about putting God in first place of my life, even if I were to die (Lev 17:1-9). Secondly, it’s all about the sanctity of life - the life of people (Lev 17:10-16). That pretty much sum up the GREAT COMMANDMENT – love God, love people (Luke 10:27.28).

It calls me to my relationship with GOD and with people. It’s not about doing things for GOD. Neither do I need to be someone for GOD. It’s like the story of the footprint in the sand.

OK, so I need to always look at all people with respect, they too have the rights of life as they are also created in the image of God, no matter how lowly they are in society.

The most important in this earth is LIFE, it last for eternity.

Change my perspective, change my life! :)

I am learning to see the present in the light of the end.

The last one month of difficult encounters and maintaining reflective silence has taught me many things. Above all, I learn to look at things from different perspective.

Recently I am reading this book – Finishing Well by Dr. David Wong. It’s about Bible people living their lives and how they close their life’s chapters. It is a wonderful book with many insightful lessons to learn – how Joseph closing a chapter of hurt; Naomi closing a chapter of loss; David; Samuel; etc. I wish all my Christian friends read this easy-to-read book. (David Wong is a Singaporean pastor, trained in Fuller Theological Seminary).

In this book, he shared a wonderful illustration:

In 1946, following the end of the Second World War, a Jewish prisoner-of-war published a book about his years in the concentration camp of the Nazis. In his book, Viktor E. Frankl describes his time in prison as “one misery after another.” He was constantly worrying about whether there would be enough food for the day, whether the foreman at work would be cruel, whether he could find a string to tie his shoes.

This went on for a while. One day he decided that enough was enough. He saw a vision of himself standing in a well-lit auditorium addressing hundreds of people sitting in posh cushioned chairs. He was dressed in a suit and giving a lecture on what life was like under Hitler during the war.

“I became disgusted with the state of affairs which compelled me, daily and hourly, to think of only such trivial things. I focused my thoughts to turn to another subject. Suddenly, I saw myself standing on the platform of a well-lit, warm and pleasant lecture room. In front of me sat an attentive audience on comfortable upholstered seats. I was giving a lecture on the psychology of the concentration camp!

“All that oppressed me at that moment became objective, seen and described from the remote viewpoint of science. By this method I succeeded somehow in rising above the situation, above the sufferings of the moment, and I observed them as if they were already in the past.”

From the day Viktor Frankl saw his life’s final outcome, every experience was viewed differently. Every experience was viewed from the perspective of his vision. Every experience, however hard and painful, became material for his lecture on life in a German concentration camp. His life took on a different perspective, a life’s perspective.

***

This wonderful life’s perspective of Viktor Frankl has changed tremendously my recent feelings and encounter. It no longer become stressful, but become material for my future use…

Pondering ...

Many personal things happened to me for the past 2 weeks. Stress started to build up.

I guess the best way to handle it is to be silent, be reflective and prayerful.

Hence, I did not write anything for the last few weeks.

Isa 43:2

Is God with me?

Caught up in the daily hustle and bustle of life, how do I find the presence of God in my daily activities?

“Busy” is a common reply I hear these days when we ask: “How are you today?” My daily offices work can drive me to the wall. Problem … problems … more problems …

How then can I still maintain an open communication and sensitivity with HIM as I do my daily work, rushing through events and even engaging in a conversation with colleagues?

2 recent incidents came to mind:

On Monday night, as I was driving out of my company’s drive-way, a car came to a sudden stop right in front of me, blocking my exit. He could have stopped a bit further up for me to move on. Clearly, it was inconsiderate. Any driver would give a loud honk. (That was my first reaction). Interestingly, the spirit within me, prompted: “Be gracious, be gracious”.

“Good reminder, thank you” I replied. The busyness during the early part of the day may have made me forget about HIM. HE is with me all along, and appeared when I was almost going to do some stupid thing! How can I forget that? :(

***

We had a 2-hour long project meeting chaired by a project manager yesterday. Sure, there was a lot of “overlooked” errors and unknown. Big bosses tend to make comments as if they are omniscient. Everything they say is right (only in their own eyes). Sitting there, I somehow silently prayed for the project team. This is the first time I did that during an office meeting. Perhaps, we are in the midst of something difficult and I need God’s guidance. Or maybe I happen to sense HIM around. Whatever it is, it is good to know that the LORD is present.

This morning devotion is on Psalms 63. Wonder how David sought God?

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water. (Psalms 63:1)

Looking for help – found it!

I kinda finally see some light coming out of the tunnel!

For the past 9 months, I was working & supervising my engineer on this research and development project in my company. I wrote a research proposal and submitted to the government for funding last year. After some many months of arduous work and many help from my boss, it was finally approved.

Then come the toughest part – to start working on it. It is a 20 and 30GHz satellite communication transceiver. Honestly, it is something quite beyond me. And in the proposal I have left out some very difficult portions of the project unknowingly!

I lift up my eyes to the hills – from where will my help come? (Psalms 121:1)

The past few months were tough. But … thank God we have a very good Australian friend, John from Queensland. I knew him since 1997 when I visited his company and learn some work from him. He is near retirement now but still moving around giving consultant here and there. Dr. John was also and adjunct professor in Queensland University. I manage to correspond with him regularly on this project and through the emails, he has been very helpful in his comments and still as sharp in his thinking and analysis. (And the thing is, he doesn’t want us to pay him, even though I mentioned to him about consultation payment).

My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth (Psalms 121:2)

Yesterday was my best day in this project. We finally managed to get some good results for the 30GHz waveguide transition. At this frequency, a 0.1mm different in length is like day and night, a total error to a near perfect results.

There are more hurdles to cross. We manage to get through this one! So the work can now continue to move…. after months of dead block.

Thank you John, and THANK YOU LORD! :)

The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time on and forevermore (Psalms 121:6)

Devotional Thought: When is a good age to serve God?

Today’s devotion from the Daily Bread is kind of interesting. Ever since I past my 50th Birthday last year, I felt that I just need to do thing differently in the church. I need to be more focus in my area of service rather than be a “generalist” – whatever people want me to do. But I could not pin point why I have that kind of feelings. Reading today’s Bible passage, my thoughts went: “ah- hah!”

http://odb.org/2010/07/22/don%e2%80%99t-just-retire/

Levites starting serving from age 25 to age 50. After age 50, they perform supervisory and mentoring role.

The Scripture passage is from Numbers Chapter 8.

23 The LORD said to Moses, 24 "This applies to the Levites: Men twenty-five years old or more shall come to take part in the work at the Tent of Meeting, 25 but at the age of fifty, they must retire from their regular service and work no longer. 26 They may assist their brothers in performing their duties at the Tent of Meeting, but they themselves must not do the work. This, then, is how you are to assign the responsibilities of the Levites."

First, I did it right by not continuing in the English Service committee!

Secondly, I am doing mostly as supervisory and teaching / mentoring role. This is what I felt strongly after crossing the Jubilee years.

Now I know what I need to do! :)

Coming to the end of my role …

Performing my role as a ministry leader in the church is no easy task …

For the past few weeks, I have been evaluating and pondering over my role as the Share Groups co-ordinator. It has been almost 3 years now. I could easily do the bare minimum and still get by, by remaining status quo. But being a highly driven person, I set out with a highly ambitious plan to move the share groups forward. But as I prayed for the Bible Study leaders, I realized that most of them may not be able to move as fast as I want. My plan was shelved and I need to focus on the leaders.

Are they willing to bear the cross as leaders?

Are they willing to walk the second mile as servants?

How close are their relationships with God?

I wanted very much to raise the standard of the Bible Study leaders and inculcate in them a love for the Word of God. How faithful are their devotional lives?

I believe that a leader should lead by example and be transparent in their lives. And so I started this blog, sharing my life with you all – my daily struggles, my personal thoughts and encounter with the Almighty. Hopefully, as they see my life, they will learn to shares theirs with their flock.

Secondly, I personally take on the task of training the leaders. I have voluntary taught many lessons – (1) Overview of the Book of Judges; (2) Overview of the Old Testament; (3) Studies of the Book of 1 Timothy; 2 Timothy and Titus (4) Understanding Epistles; (5) Understanding Biblical Narratives; (6) Study of the Book of 1 Peter. The most recent one is the study of 2 Samuel. How I wish the Bible Study leaders have this hunger for the Word of God. But sad to say, most of them have not showed any interest and attendance for learning are usually low. And so I could not even have more regular Bible discussion with the Bible Study leaders. Most likely, I am just NOT qualified to teach. I don’t even have a theological degree to start with. Only the church Pastor has a Master of Theology. How I wish I can learn from him! But I only hear him preach on Sunday. So my bible knowledge is limited and I failed as a teacher. Also, in my zeal to teach, I have on many occasion use life examples to point out biblical lessons. This has made many to see me as judgmental. Just today, Pastor mentioned this in his sermon that he has learnt not to be judgmental. (a repeat of what he has hinted to me previously) I understand what he meant. Thank you. I will be more careful and not give any negative life examples as I do my duty as a teacher so as not to be seen as judgmental.

So, the end of the road is near. It is about time to step aside and move on to do other things and find new pasture.

Devotion Thoughts: Watch my words!

Have I been talking too much in the church lately? Am I shouting like a fool?

Many things cross my mind today as I read the Daily Bread which talk about Ecc 9:13-18

http://odb.org/2010/06/22/no-one-remembered/

We all have our ways of doing things. Some do to impress. Some do to show authority. As for me, it is always that I do so that I can build up others. But sometime, my actions and words can be mistaken with insincere motives. I am also very careful not to overstep those in authority, especially the Pastor and Elders – “Never slay the LORD’s anointed with words”.

In particular, verse 17 reminded me again of how I should speak:

The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded
than the shouts of a ruler of fools

I used to think very hard and long before I ever make a comment, a suggestion or sharing a personal experience. But today, I am reminded to speak quietly. Once said, I should hold my peace whether it is accepted or not.


I like this word: ALIVE

Always
Live
In
View of
Eternity

When I see things with eternity in perspective, then I will be more careful in my words and actions.

A Wise person speaks with eternity in perspective.

You reap what you sow!

Are we seeing the ill-effect of the Casinos in Singapore now?

The recent serial of murder and assaults at the Kallang area has heighten fear among many. Singapore is no longer a safe place to walk alone at night. My boss, who goes for his daily night walk is now wearier whenever he sees a group of foreign workers gathering together. He has a theory behind the many crimes that recently spook Singapore. He is a foreigner and so he can identify with how a foreign worker feels. His told me this:

“When a foreign worker gets his pay, he thinks of making rich quick. So, he steps into the casino. Unfortunately, as always be, gamblers always loose in the casino. However, the foreign worker needs to send money home. The only resort is to steal and kill to get that few hundred dollars.”

Hearing what he says, I am reminded that “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. (Gal 6:7)

In life, we always think we can do away with a small sin and indulgence and get away with it. Like cheating on small things and some compromises – paying less for our car parking fees; taking more than what we required from company office’s stationery; breaking the speed limits; reporting what is not accurate at work reports; …

Likewise, in our church, we sow the spirit of lethargy and complacency. And so, we reap lukewarm and stagnant growth for many years. I shall not elaborate less I be labeled as critical.

Singapore is willing to sow the seed of greed with the incoming of 2 casinos, believing that it will create 35,000 jobs and boost the economy. But, there is a price to pay – the nation can never be called a safe country anymore.
.

Money, in the name of religion

Many years ago, my big boss sneered when the topic on religion was being discussed : “All religions are just out to get people's money!” Unfortunately, he is always right

In Singapore, we have seen Catholic priest, Buddhist monk, Muslim cleric, and now church all involving in money tussles with the Law.

Yesterday, another church in Singapore is being probed by the Commercial Affair Department (CAD) about the church money matters.

http://sg.yfittopostblog.com/2010/05/31/city-harvest-church-members-under-investigation/

More significantly is the testimony of one comment:

Atheist on May 31, 2010 at 7:20 pm
I am glad this is happening. Its high time, the authorities checked all these churches, temples and mosques, so many ppl give with the intention that the $$ goes for good causes like to the poor, less fortunate and etc. In particulr, so many of these churches practice the old testament of giving 10% of ur salary to the church and on top of that weekly donations.
Many years back, i joined City Harvest and after gg thru 3 month orientation with them, I was a “member” of the church. Then they started asking for 10% of our pay and the church actually have ” cell group leaders” or “debt collectors” to harrasses us for that $$. I wasnt too happy but I gave them my 10% which was a 3 figure sum. Things went out of hand when they requested for my payslip to check if I was really giving 10% of my pay in which I immediately stopped gg to the church as I felt something was not right.
And of significance, it is notably that since the birth of this church, the pastor has apparently upgraded his cars, to condominiums and etc.
This checking of financial records should be an annual thing. Just the other day, I saw a monk driving a BMW 7 series at my block to attend a funeral to chant prayers. When he stepped out, you shld have seen the faces of the family and relatives at the wake. I too was surprised.


Well, my fellow BSG leaders, hope we can all reflect and learn from this comment (whether his comment is true or not).

In God's Timing

Gracious and God-dependent is what make a man after God’s heart.

For the last 3 weeks, I spent a lot of time reading, meditating and studying on the Book of 2nd Samuel chapter 1 to 10. The ways David dealt with life situations are phenomenal! Everything he did is about God – HIS timing, and love for God.

While others may seek the opportunity to rise to the throne, he simply continued to wait upon the LORD’s timing! Yes, even after waiting for more than 15 years, he still insisted on waiting! Even evil doers wanted to hasten his ascension. Unlike Saul who has no heart for God, David long to seek fellowship with God. We never heard about the ark of God when Saul was king. But the moment David became king, he sought to bring the ark back to his capital. And what a procession and celebration! There is so much to learn from this man, the way he dealt with evil men, helpless man, enemies, and with God.

But there is one weakness of him at this point in time. He has a problem handling his closest subordinate, his general, Joab. Joab, a nephew of David was an excellent warrior but a brutal man.

Yes, I am learning to live by God’s timing. As I reflect my reading, I see my life always on a rush, always in a hurry. From the moment I woke up very early in the morning, it is always rushing to send the children to school, rushing to get problems solved in my job, rushing the engineers to get the design and development work done, rushing the suppliers to delivery their parts … I must confess on numerous occasions, I try to beat the traffic light. Once, I even drive across the red light :(. I just felt very lousy after that.

Teach me to wait upon YOU, O LORD!!

Looking Backward … Moving Forward :)

Suddenly I feel very old!

A few days ago, my daughter put up some very old pictures on her Facebook:


The 3 girls are the most important things God has given to me.

The pictures were 10 years old. “What have I done all these years?” Not much.

OK, maybe I have gone to the Singapore Bible College and do some serious study. OK, maybe I have done a marathon at the age of 42. Other than that, life has been more or less stagnant and waiting for the children to grow up. Church has been a routine.

Presently I am reading the Book of Second Samuel. King David started very well in this life, but ended up poorly. His family was in a mess. He finished his life poorly. This may serve as a warning to me.

Maybe I need some very difficult goals for the next 10 years:
1. Brush up my Greek
2. Read all the New Testament Books in Greek
3. Run a marathon
4. Memorise at least 100 verses, one from each book of the Bible
5. Write a book?

OK, these are written at the spur of a moment. Not sure how far I can go (?). We shall see.

Agape :))

How to please the LORD?

A thought just came to mind while reading Our Daily Bread:

Do all tasks not just as a job, but as an offering, an aroma pleasing unto the LORD.

.

Thank you LORD,

For today devotion.

I was disappointed by carelessly making quite

a number of mistakes yesterday.

You know, I have always put my best in whatever I do.

Not just for self, but for

your glory. I just could not accept the silly mistakes

I have made.

Thank you for reminding me to see that whatever

I do is an offering and pleasing to you.

Remembering this help me to be more careful and thoughtful.

Amen! :)

Avoid Unwholesome Words

“Did I blurt out those words?”

As I left the church yesterday afternoon, this question kept flashing in my mind. I was sharing my experience about my early Christian life during the workshop conducted by the Pastor that morning. I may have used un-appropriate words carelessly. Thinking about it, one Bible verse came to my mind:

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Eph 4:29 NASB)

When I first became a Christian some 30 plus years ago, my Bible Study leader listed certain unwholesome words that were not appropriate for us to use (not just swear words and filthy words). Through the years, the list may have changed:

1. dnmaed
2. btrsaad
3. tlak ccok
4. siht
5. blul siht

(I have scrambled the in-between letters of each word). You may disagree with this list and may have your own list of unwholesome words. I like to hear from you.

I made a confession and prayed that I may be more careful with my words in future. Peace within, at last!

This morning, as I turned to Our Daily Bread,

http://www.rbc.org/devotionals/our-daily-bread/2010/05/03/devotion.aspx

hmmn, the issue of proper words cropped out again. On further meditation, I realized that in this internet world, certain abbreviations can fall under the category of unwholesome words, which I only learnt about them recently:

1. WTF
2. OMG!

You may not agree with me, but I think OMG! would be breaking the third commandment of “using the LORD’s name in vain”. Ancient devoted people were always careful not to take the LORD’s name lightly.

Ponder over what I have written.

And let’s encourage one another with wholesome words. :)

Is there a Green Pasture for me?

What can I do if one day I am fired from my job?

For the past few months, I was pondering over this question. With each passing months, the D-day get nearer and the thoughts get more intense.

Since last October, there’s a UK company thinking of buying over our company. They carried out due diligence for quite a number of times and basically audit everything. The company also flew in their lawyer, accountant, and a small team of people. My big boss (the president of the company) was very excited and announced in December that they would make a decision by end of March 2010. He sounded very confident that they will buy us over.
(And that will make him very rich!!)

For me, my position as an engineering staff sound precarious. If they were to reduce head-count, engineering / R&D staffs are usually the first to be replaced by their own people. Moreover, my job scope would not fit into their whole company structure.

For the past 10 years, my company has survived economy downturn and 3 companies who we worked for default in payment amounting to million of dollars. We have always been blessed even in difficult times. Though my bosses are not God-believers, yet I see the hand of God leading me here. Just the other day, I heard my boss, the General Manager (who is not a Christian) saying, “We are lucky, God is helping us.” He knows I am a Christian as I used to share the Christian faith with him.

I have been praying about this for quite a long time. Would I need to look for green pasture? Can I say with confident: “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lies down in green pasture …” ?

Would this be the last of me here in this company since the day of start-up?

Then the beginning of April 2010 came. The big boss told us that they decided not to buy our company but will continue to just do business with us. He sounded disappointed but he will look for new buyers.

Thank God, I guess HE wants me to stay here a bit longer.

But still I need to prepare for Green Pasture should the day I need to move. Retirement is not the option at this moment as my children are still schooling. And so the question still lingers on …

What can I do if one day I am fired from my job?

Emails - Thanks for replying

I was a bit surprise to receive a reply from my email yesterday :)

Thank you! :)

I know that people from Bethany Church usually don’t bother to acknowledge or even reply email. Last year I sent out my teaching Power Point on Biblical Narratives to some 20 people – Sunday school teachers, Bible Study Leaders and even church leaders. Yet I did not receive a single reply. So I know that people in the church like to remain anonymous – no reply, no comments.

Recently I sent out quite a number of emails weekly. Perhaps I am intruding into others’ privacy? Am I trying to influence others by my thoughts? We usually sent email thinking that by doing so, it may help others. Usually, the recipients see it as intruding or nuisance. So after browsing it, it is then simply discarded and forgotten.


Well, this is my last term as Bible Study ministry co-coordinator. Once this is done and over with. I will not need to bother others with my many emails, and even my blogging.

Cheers!

Be Cheerful! :))

"Why are you so happy today?"

"Is that so?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, you are smiling and singing." A colleague of mine replied.

Hmm, I didn't know that I was smiling. I could not see my face. Maybe I was happy about many things. Even bad things.

But I guess I started the day right. That is the most important thing. Somehow, I just have the urge to listen to the song:

"In Christ Alone, my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song"

And I have replayed it so many times and trying to sing it also.

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

And probably that was reflected on my face that I didn't know - the depths of peace, the anxiousness, striving gone.

Later, the boss saw me and came to me, thinking that I have a new discovery in my work.
I told him, "NO".

"You are smiling, there must be something interesting." He said.

You see, my job as the head of engineering is to solve problems and create new things for the company. Other's people problems become my problems, so to say. Life in the office is always dealing with difficulties and maybe that is why, when my mood change, everybody see it. When I smile, there must be some big invention, new design or idea.

But really:

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand'
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

I can be cheerful inspite of facing problems and difficulty daily, because IN THE POWER OF CHRIST I'LL STAND!

Cheers!