Which Leader should I Follow?

There is quote that will get leaders thinking: “If you think you are leading and no one is following, you are only taking a walk” – Benjamin Hooke

Wow! Most of the time, we like to be known as a leader. But often wonder why things doesn’t get moving, or the group is not growing, or people are not following. Worst still, we didn’t realize that we are just taking walk (and maybe get lost).

As I was thinking about Christian leadership, I couldn’t help but reflect on the recent re-shuffle of the cell group that I am presently attending. The cell has grown bigger (more than 20 members) and 2 new leaders have been appointed so that the group can split into 2 groups. The present cell leader will be promoted to higher office, as an Area Overseer. How the 2 new leaders were appointed was beyond my time as I only joined the cell about more 2 years ago.

In December 2013, the cell leader asked me which of the 2 new leaders would I want to follow. My selection was quite obvious. A Christian leader who openly tells the group that “there is no need to pray since God knows all my needs” and “I don’t need to have devotional time, as God is everywhere” will have difficulty leading, perhaps only walking partners. A Christian leader must speak with godly wisdom. Such talks will only de-motivate members to draw near to God.

Just last month, I am told that all the cell members will go to one group, leaving one of the new leaders without any follower. Through a series of miscommunication, I ended up with this new leader. So, it will be only 4 of us (our wives included). The Area Overseer will join us for the time being to add the number to 6, so that it looks less pathetic.

I guess the other members must be wondering why I choose to go with this new leader. Should I let them know of the miscommunication? Is there a need to explain?

God always has a peculiar way of preparing His children to do His Will. This time He prepared me for all this new development even before it happens. After I informed the leader who is now known as Area Overseer, of my choice of the leader I like to follow, my family went on a Cruise. During the 4 days of relaxation, the word “Friendship” kept appearing on my mind. As I sense the Spirit prompting, 2 Bible verses which I have remembered trigger my thoughts:

John 15:15 – “I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father.”

Ecc 4:9, 10 – “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up the other. But woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help.”

I remember that during the cruise, I asked myself this question, “would I be able to be friended with difficult people, or work with people I don’t quite get along or even seem doesn’t quite fit to be a leader?” I knew then that I would love to say, “No!” But the 4 days of reflecting on the work of Christ on the Cross led me to say, “Yes, in God’s Will”

And so, it all became clear why I kept thinking about “Friendship” during the Cruise. It is to prepare me to take the path less trout, to follow a leader who probably fewer people want to follow. And hopefully, I can obey Ecc 4:9, 10 – to help those who fall.

Agape

How Heavy is My Cross?

Last Friday night, I left the cell group meeting with a very heavy heart.

Hearing one member shared about the struggle of her Christian friend whom I shall call Ginny (can’t hear clearly her name) who has a daughter born with severe intellectual disability. As a result, the daughter could not speak, or do anything. Her daily food is only soy milk is getting very costly now that the girl has grown so big at the age of 15. Ginny has given up her job to take care of her. Every night, both parents have to wake up to clear the child’s throat of phlegm. The girl also has regular visits to the hospital and because of her size, has to be brought there by an ambulance. The family also has 2 younger children.

“Why Lord? Why must Ginny and her husband go through such a heavy struggle daily with this child? Isn’t life very unfair?” I asked silently with a tint of sadness and anger. At that moment, I felt the Spirit prompting: “The Cross”. As I searched through my memory bank, Luke 9:23 came to mind:

And He (Jesus) said to all, “If any man would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”

“It is a daily cross 24/7, but isn’t that a very heavy cross?” I protested.

“Why so heavy?” I puzzled, without expecting an answer.

“Worthy” came the reply.

How heavy the cross that the LORD wants us to bear is measured by how worthy HE sees His children’s ability to bear it. God has considered them worthy and they have soldiered on with this cross for 15 years and many more. If the child is their cross, then we need not discuss whether this child will go to heaven or not, as the cell group did last night. Silently, I prayed for this family that God’s graciousness and strength be with the family as they faithfully bear this cross the LORD has laid on them.

Thinking of Ginny and their cross made me pondered over the difficult situations I am presently going through. Are they also considered my “cross” that I need to bear? No matter how heavy they are now seem so much easy to bear.

How heavy a cross am I able to bear?

What attitude should I have when faced with tremendous suffering and trial? Will I be able to response like what the Apostle James said – “Count it all joy, when you met with all kind of trials …” (Jas 1:2-4) 

It was a great lesson that the Holy Spirit is teaching me. I am humbled.

Agape!

The day I volunteered for Community Service

“Can you please donate to charity?” I asked. … Thank you!

Last Saturday morning, I volunteered to sell flags for Apex Harmony Lodge - home for the Dementia.

Tampines Bus Interchange is really a crowded place. Initially, I tried approaching passengers who were leaving the station. Some obliged, others just smiled and walk away. As always, I would say, “Thank you.” I think I have spoken: “Thank you” that morning more than what I have said for the whole year, definitely more than 300 times. 

Not many donated, and I was somewhat disappointed. What am I doing here? I could just put into my tin a hundred dollar and go home. 

Then, an old lady who was pulling a trolley walked up to me and dropped a coin into my tin. I suddenly remembered Jesus' words: "Truly, I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the treasury". My heart was so touched by her giving. A tear almost drop. I think I can understand how Jesus felt that day watching in the temple when the widow gave her tithes. This woman doesn’t need to give, yet she did. Silently, I said a prayer for her. “Lord, bless her giving. Give to her a hundred-fold, no, a thousand-fold of what she had given! Amen”. 

Then a thought came to me. I will pray for those who give, … and those who don’t. For every donor, I said a prayer for them. For those who I approached but did not give, I also said a prayer for them. I prayed that those who did not give would have their hearts transformed to be a more gracious and kinder person, so that in future, they will be more compassionate. 

At the end of it all (4 hours), I have learnt to be thankful and … prayerful.

Servant or friend?

When someone suddenly drop by your home, which comes to your mind – being a host first or being a friend first?

To be a host, you need to prepare your house, cleaning and getting food and drink all ready. To be a friend, you are excited to fellowship and converse, desiring to know more of your friend and strengthen that relationship.

Actually, it all depends on what kind of friends you have. If your friends are the picky and inquisitive types, then being a host is better. They come for the food, inspect your house so as to make gossip and mostly to come and ask you to do favor for them. But, by and large people visit others because they value their friendship and to find out how our friends are getting on in life. Fellowship and conservation then is more important.

This thought cross my mind as I reflect about what took place last week over the National Day holiday when my daughter invited her cell’s friend for a sleep over. Gosh! My first thought was to get the necessary food and drinks for them, what to prepare for breakfast and whether our house was clean and tidy. I guess my wife has that thought in mind too. When the friends came, I became a bit agitated when none of my family members prepare drinks for them. “What kind of host are we?” So, I need to take charge. … [Little did we know that actually the friends brought along a lot of food].

But, my wife did a better job. She talked to 2 of them in the kitchen. That cool me down a bit and so I casually participated in the conservation. Then I just excused myself into the study room and listens to sermons on Youtube.

…

Then, it all became clear on this passage about Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42

³⁸ Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” ⁴¹ But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; ⁴² but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

Some preachers say that Jesus was saying to Martha that worship must come first before service. It is the “being” before the “doing”. For me, I now understand what Jesus was saying, HE values my friendship more than my service. He is not talking about worship, singing praise, praying, Bible reading or even convening a worship service when they visited Martha’s house.

“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15)

Mary has chosen to be Jesus’ friend and sit down to converse with him. Friendship involves talking and listening. There is nothing wrong with being a servant or a host. In every events and gathering, we need to meet the physical needs. Do it, but don’t that distract or burden you. I guess Jesus is telling Martha that day: “My dear Martha, enjoy the serving; enjoy even more the fellowship and conversation. I am not here as your BOSS, but as your friend.”

Agape

How to know you are filled by the Spirit

“Honk! Honk, honk!” the car on the right lane blasted away at me. He was quite a distance from my car as I signaled to change into his lane in order to make a right turn. Just a signal could agitate another driver, as if the whole road belongs to him. It was definitely an ungracious act. There is no need to vent one’s anger.

Calmly, I did not change lane. There was no unwarranted feeling in me. Maybe it was quite late into the night and I just don’t want any external situation to influence my peace. It was then that I recalled what Charles Swindoll wrote:

“Grumbling is a sure sign that the flesh in control. … Show me a grumbler, and I’ll show you a person who has distanced herself or himself from the Spirit of God. When we are filled with the Spirit, there is an overwhelming sense of thankfulness. We are not hard to please. We are happy to have whatever God provides.” – Embraced by the Spirit, page 84

I have always like Charles Swindoll’s books. His discussions center on the filling of the Holy Spirit. But not the charismatic type of signs & wonder, if you know what I mean. Typical of Charles, he talks to you as he writes. Then he anticipates your questions and answers them.

As you might have guess it if you know your Bible, the passage is on Ephesians 5:18-21

 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, ¹⁹ speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, ²⁰ always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. ²¹ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Base on this verse, we can know that we are filled by the Holy Spirit when our hearts are …

1. My heart is teachable
2. My heart is melodious
3. My heart is thankful (grateful)
4. My heart is humble (submissive)

As I evaluate these 4 points that Charles wrote, I began to understand why many a times, there is this soft humming (may be a song) inside me. I am not a “song” person, but more a “Word” person. I would rather memorise and recite Bible verses than sing a song. When I am at rest, I would recall a Bible verse than to sing a Christian song. But since sometime last year after an “Empowering of the Holy Spirit” seminar, the soft humming seems to come quite often. So my heart is trying to be melodious.

I have no problem being teachable and thankful. Now, the most difficult of all … be humble.

I am still working on this area.

Agape!

How do you use your time?

[This morning while clearing files in my computer, I found this note written about 3 months ago…]

“Money can buy time.” A rich guy once told me.

If you travel by public bus, it may take you 70 minutes of travelling time. But if you drive, it will take you a shorter time.

OK. I don’t dispute that. But what do you do with that extra time? Use that time to make more money?

A few days ago, my car’s air conditioner broke down and I have to send the car to the garage and was told to leave the car overnight. “Why do these inconveniences have to be on me?” I murmured to no one in particular. Maybe God heard it, I am sure. In my heart, I confess I am a bit angry at Him. For many years, I have not taken public bus home and also to go to work.

It was a renewed experience.

I needed to walk for about 400m to the bus stop from office. The bus came and I had to run to the bus stop, not wanting to miss it. Now, I saw so many faces, old and young. Many were deep in their own thoughts. Most of them were working classes. An old lady who got up the bus almost fell when the bus jerked. Some passengers then stretched out to support her. The bus driver stopped, turned back to check the safety of the old lady. I could not hear what he said as I have already moved right to the back of the bus. I think he made an apology. I could see the caring hearts of passengers, even the bus driver himself. Riding on the bus, I could for the first time looked at the surrounding building, the people walking on the streets and the shops along the way. Why didn’t I notice the buildings and the simple lives of people?

Did I miss anything, if I drive my car to work and home everyday? How little of the common folks that I loose touch. Life on the fast lane keeps one away from the grass roots, blind to the common people. Riding on bus, I could rest, reflect, enjoy the scene outside and pray silently. Consider it as a waste of time if you must, but I feel good to pause, observe and think. Best of all my heart begins to touch base with the people. I have been contemplating for a long time whether I am suitable for charitable work. This bus ride helped me to see where my heart is. Then it suddenly dawns on me. Perhaps … God planned all this.

Sure, I saved a total of about 80 minutes everyday, 400 minutes a week (5 working days); 20,800 minutes or about 347 hours a year. I must have saved 290 days since I started driving. That is almost a year. What have I used that amount of time saved for? Nothing much, maybe using that extra time to sit longer in front of the TV.

Perhaps, it’s time to consider driving the BMW – Bus, MRT, Walk since COE is now so high and my car is near expiry.

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12)

Agape

Reflections on Bethany Camp 2013

Thank you – Constance, Diana, Jenny and Diane for all your heartfelt sharing during the many devotions and group discussions. Your openness has made my task as the group leader much easier!

It has been more than a month since the camp ended. Looking back, it all started sometime early this year when I told God during one morning devotion: “God, if someone from Bethany invited me to the June camp, I will join them.” When we pray, God works. And so …

Thrust suddenly into the forefront as a group leader has caught me unprepared. “Hey! I am supposed to be here to relax and fellowship, not to resuscitate my mind and time to prepare Bible studies.” Thankfully the sisters in the group are more than supportive in all their sharing, games and even the creative night. Rev Henry Hong, was our star in the skit!!

 I want to share 2 simple applications that I have taken with me from this camp. These are the areas that I will work on for the rest of my life:

1. The heart of the Father

The well known story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) was shared from the father’s perspective. It is now the story of the prodigal Father. God is overly indulgence in giving love.

It reminds me to extend love, forgiveness and be gracious to people around me, those who desperately trying to squeeze into my lanes, to those who are aggressive in speech, to humble workers in my office and the common people that cross my path daily.

I am learning to hold everything “lightly”. A broken life is one that holds no grudges; no covetousness; freely receive, freely give. It embraces the simple life.

2. Live with simple prayers 

The story of the 3 hermits by Leo Tolstoy will perhaps resonate with us for a long long time.

We campers will remember the prayer of the 3 Hermits: “Three of YOU, three of us, have mercy on us”. It does not matter whether we pray well with the Lord’s prayer or the simple hermit’s prayer, everyone prayed differently and it doesn’t matter how we pray. But it is the desire to pray from the heart that matter and that prayer draws our lives closer to God.

When it gets tough, don’t do it alone! Pray in all circumstances, in all your daily duties, chores and work. Pray and you will see the hand of God at works. Attitude will change. Faith will rise up. Pray in the Spirit, pray in tongues, pray in faith! Pray also when you feel the lack of faith.

This is one nice song that we learnt during the camp – The Millenium Prayer: I am learning to memorise the lyrics.

Agape



Reduce stress will improve happiness

Would you give up your stressful job and take up a easier job with lesser pay?

That was what my cell leader’s wife did. She may be the wife of the leader, but she is actually leading the cell, sharing and praying for the members. As such, last Friday, she share with the group that she gave up a higher pay job and asked to be the receptionist of the bank that she is presently working. Finally, the management agreed even though she is in her early fifty. Receptionists are usually the pretty young ones, as she said.

Today, I look around my workplace and ask myself who are the happiest people around. It is usually the workers with the least stress jobs. They have the least responsibility. The just do what is told, mingle freely with one another and when the time is out, you could hear them laughing as they leave the office. True, their pay is low but sufficient to keep life going.

To these workers, I see this in their lives:  Sufficient – stress = happiness

For the higher management, including me, our works are the most stressful. We encounter all the problems of the whole company and have to be on our toes to make sure everything is resolved. We need to keep the company profitable to avoid retrenching staff. Of course, we take the highest salary. In that sense, we may be seen as the rich. We fall into this category: Rich + highly stressed = misery

So, the inner voice in me reminded me to “reduce stress”. Isaiah 30:18 then came to my mind.

Therefore, the Lord waits to be gracious to you. Therefore, he will rise up to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are those who wait for him

Resting on His promise and seeking after God is my way to reduce stress. The greatest joy in my life is to see Him answering my prayers for the past few months. How His healing power came upon me and removed my physical pain that was sustained due to a fall.

Thank you, Lord for your promise in Isa 30:18.

Agape

The Importance of a conversation

When you meet an old friend, what do you talk about?

For me, I would like to know how the friend is getting on in life and what he is now pursuing. Also, how he has grown through the years. If he is a Christian, has he grown in the LORD? Certainly, I would avoid discussing general issues not related to him or talking about sport or other people’s life, which can become a gossip.

Last night, I met some old church friends at Benedict’s 21^st birthday. It’s nice to catch up with Casey and Alice for kindly inviting my family. We also talk to Jenny and Lily and many others. It is nice to meet up with them.

But one conversation was not so good and that taught me about striking a meaningful conversation. It so happen to come from the pastor of the church. When he saw me the first thing he asked, “So where have Dr. Philip Huan gone to?” I was actually not surprised of his weak interpersonal skill. Instead of asking how we are or talk about my spiritual life or the things I like doing, he talk about someone I vaguely know. Those who know me will talk about my jogging which I enjoyed doing. All my Poly and University friends know this. Those who are my close Christian friends will talk about our daily devotion or our walk with the LORD. These are the things I enjoyed sharing and encouraging one another.

Yet when I met the pastor, he is more interested in the former pastor of Riverlife Church, Dr Philip Huan, which left shortly after I visited Riverlife Church. I had only heard about one or two of his sermon before he left to set up another Church. Then the pastor told me something which I have no interest in. “Philip Huan, when he was pasturing All Soul Church, did not want to conduct any funeral service.” Why was he telling me this? Is he insinuating anything? Or is he gossiping about something. I would certainly grade that this is the worst conversation I had with a pastor. I did not say much and fortunately Rev Dr Tan came and so I roped her in to a conversation that is more enriching.

Last night, as I was back home and reflecting about the rendezvous, most of the old friends are still cordial to my family. Unfortunately, I still feel that the pastor communication skill have not much improved through the years. Before I left Bethany in 2010, he would always talk to me about other people and things of similar nature. When I visited Bethany in 2011, again it was the same talk, about Rev Vincent Lun, another pastor of Riverlife Church. Now, it is Dr Philip Huan. If only, he had just discuss how we have been growing in the LORD or what Bible passage I am reading or studying right now, my impression of him might have improved. Certainly, I would expect a pastor to talk to me about spiritual things than to gossip about another pastor. It seems that he does not know me even though I have been serving as a Christian Education Co-coordinator in Bethany for many, many years. How sad.

I have learnt about interpersonal skill yesterday, thank you pastor!

Proverb 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

Agape

Pray & see God @work

I got a SMS this morning from my daughter: “Pray for me. J”

Today is supposed to be a school break but she needs to be at school

for training. It’s going to be a long day for her at school. All the

dance routine and training for the coming school performance.

“OK. Dear God, give Euodia the strength and joy for her CCA and all that she will be doing today. Bless her day and guide her in what she is doing. Thank you Lord. Amen! J”

As I sent the SMS to her, my mind was suddenly filled with Phi 4:6,7:

“Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Revised Standard Version)”

Many years ago, this was one of the first few verses that I, as a young Christian was taught to memorize and apply. How nice to know that my daughter is also learning to call upon the Almighty God.

On further thought, Phi 4:6 is also today meditation verse from the 40DITW (40 days in the Word). We are supposed to pronounce each word and ponder over it. What strikes me this morning from this verse was the word “in everything”. How often do we come to God in prayer only at the last resort, as in: “when all else fail, pray”. How often we like to rely on our own strength to get things done and when we do a good job, rejoice in our own strength. Isn’t it that this is the way of the world and not of Kingdom’s way? The Kingdom’s way is to “rejoice always, pray constantly, gives thanks in all circumstances …” and “In all your ways, acknowledge Him …”

OK. So it is that I went through the day  praying short prayers in many situations. There was a difficult technical job to be done. After some struggle and much prayer, I think I found a method to it. There was a meeting with a government body that my boss supposed to host. And he fall sick today! So I am to take over. And he vaguely explained to me what he wanted to discuss. Arh, I am caught in a tight situation. Pray, pray and just like the spirit leads. Thankfully, it turned out well.

Prayers do make a difference, and I see the invisible (hands of God at work) today!

Agape

  

Doing Mission in my own country?

The phone rang on Thursday night.

The cell leader asked, “Did you go through the Bible discussion question? Can you skip question number 2 during the Bible study discussion tomorrow?”

Last Friday was my duty to lead in Cell group Bible discussion. The topic was on Mission and reaching to the nations. Question number 2 deals with our attitude and behavior towards foreigners in our country, Singapore. This is a touchy topic in Singapore where 45% of the people in this country are foreigners.

I paused, and out of respect, say, “OK. We can do that.”

Perhaps, she knows the group better and how they feel about foreigners. But, isn’t it a waste of opportunity for a time of Christian education to teach our flock how to love the “unlovable”, if they find it hard to accept so many foreigner in Singapore now?

While many Singaporeans are crying foul on the country being crowded out by many nations in fluxing into this tiny country, perhaps … perhaps God is actually bring them to make mission easier for us? We now don’t need to go overseas to do mission, we can do it right at our work places, hawker centers, tuition centers, playground and even MRT.

OK, I am not pro-government or pro-foreigners. Although, I still prefer to keep the population small, but out of the inconvenient, maybe we can make use of the situation and learn to be more mission-mindedness, more caring and sharing, and be more thoughtful and culturally sensitive.

Hmmm… that is when I moved the hold Bible study discussion on the concept of cultivating mission-minedness. I even printed out my sermon notes and distributed to all the participants, which included my thoughts and reflections.

So, now, each time I make contact with a Myanmar, an Indian, a Chinese, a Pinoy, a Malaysian, it should be an opportunity to sow seeds for the Kingdom of God.

Matthew 28:19

“Go, therefore and make disciples of all NATIONS…”

Agape

Can we trust our prompting Impression as God’s Voice?

There are 2 things I don’t do on Sunday. But I did both of them today. Call it psychic if you must but the two things seem like turning out to be telling me the same thing. Is that how God speak to me?


This early Sunday morning, I woke up with a strong impression to read and meditate on Luke 11:1-13. Devotion is not a norm for me on Sunday, but reading the Bible is one thing I response eagerly. Although Luke 11:1-13 is a passage about prayer, what really spoke to me this morning was that God wants me to live in the continuous presence of the Holy Spirit that He has given to me (verse 13 is a promise that God gives us the Holy Spirit when we ask Him). And so my mind lingered with this thought as I got to Church for Sunday worship.

Then, when I was worshipping at RiverLife Church, the sermon topic today was “Walking in the Spirit”!

When I read the Sunday Times in the afternoon, I don’t read YOUR STARS section. For some unknown reason, my eyes just curiously glance at it, since Aries is the first one:

Your subconscious mind is hyperactive, which could make life a little weird, but you should soon get used to it. All this freaky business is in the service of the greater good.

Now, what do you make out of this?

Sometime we do things that we are not really conscious about and this is due to the sub-conscious mind working at it. OK, so my sub-conscious mind is hyperactive! Sure or not?

But I like to saturate my sub-conscious mind with Scriptures (by memorizing Bible verses) so that in times of emergency, these verses just come out and prompt me to act in a “Spirit-led” decision.

So, for once, I LIKE THIS “STARS” thingy!! :))

Agape

End of blogging for me?

Every time I feel like blogging, there is an inner voice that say, “Why bother? No one is reading.” And so, the long hiatus in blogging continue.

Although, there is much to share, I think the inner voice is right. I need to listen to this prompting more often. …

So, why did I blog in the first place?

I have never been good at expressing myself. My writing is poor. But, after becoming a Christian, I realized that the only way to touch other lives is to open up – serve and talk sensibly. Writing is one way to help me share my Christian walk, encourage one another and also help me to keep record of what God is doing in my life. Many eventful things happened to me this year. But I didn’t blog about it. Perhaps, that is what I should do, move in seclusion and just learn to live a simple quiet life – like the Early Church Father monks!

Thank God for the meaningful 2012!

YOU have transformed my life, Amen!

It's all about choices

Choices!

Many times in life, we are faced to make decisions, to choose our options. Occasionally though, our choices can reveal who we are, our values and integrity.

During our cell fellowship, one member was talking about the dilemma of running a mini-mart and sustaining his business. The rent of the shop is high. There are many restrictions. Cost saving is always a balance to provide good services and yet to be profitable. Sometime, there is also temptation to run foul against the Law by selling cigarette to underage children, thinking that the sellers can get away. Law enforcers do use these children as bait to catch such transgressors.

That is when I blurted out: “Honesty is the best policy!”

“Not so,” another member challenged.

He then shared that quite sometime ago. He posted an item to sell on eBay. It took him more than a year before someone showed an interest in his item. But the buyer wanted him to declare the item that he intended to sell as a “gift” so as to evade tax in his country. To secure the business, he complied. He believed that most businesses are done in this way, evading the Law whenever necessary.

What would you do, in such a similar situation?

This reminds me of Genesis Chapter 12 when Abraham went to Egypt. To avoid being killed because of his beautiful wife, he lied that she is his sister. Sure, it spared his life, but his integrity is tarnished.

That is when I heard a inner voice within me whispered: “Walk by faith, not by sight”.

Here is a brother who walks by sight. He sees an opportunity and makes decision on what he sees. He knows that the Law will catch up on him. Also, he will save the time to wait for a honest customer. On the other hand, to walk by faith, he will have to stand in integrity and not lie, believing in faith that God will bless his choice and sent a better customer. Even if God choose not to, he learns to wait on the LORD, whatever the outcome may be. That is walking by faith. He then enters into Genesis Chapter 22, like Abraham; choosing to obey God’s command to live in obedience.

Does it pay to live uprightly, or do we just follow the world?

The choice is yours.

But know that there is accountability at the end of life’s journey.

Agape

Is Masturbation a sin?

OK, I am touching on a very sensitive topic.

I have never heard a Christian leader discusses this, much less preach about it. But, I believe, this is one topic that all Christian men and boys want to know but dare not ask. So, let me start by sharing an email:

Samson (I changed the name) wrote:

“Is masturbation a sin?

I’m 17 and I have been doing it for a long time

but I don’t know if I’m hurting God. I have stopped from doing

it for about 3 weeks now but I feel temped every day.

Is this a sin? How can I control it?

Thank you for everything

Best Regards”

First, let me say that masturbation has been around for a long time, since the Egyptian civilization. And since it is prevalent among men, surely the Bible must have some thing to talk about rather than remain silent. Many Christians have misquoted Bible by using Gen 38:9,10 - when Onan spilled his semen on the ground and so the LORD put him to death. Hence, it is thought that masturbation, which the Bible states as “spilling the semen” is a sin. But actually, the LORD put Onan to death not because he masturbated but that he did not fulfill his duty as brother in the Levirate marriage.

OK, so we need to look elsewhere in the Bible where it talks about “spilling the semen”.

In Leviticus chapter 15, it says:

¹⁶ “‘When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. ¹⁷ Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening. ¹⁸ When a man has sexual relations with a woman and there is an emission of semen, both of them must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.

¹⁹ “‘When a woman has her regular flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days, and anyone who touches her will be unclean till evening.

In the Book of Leviticus, we are called to be Holy. Now, if you read this book carefully, you will notice that there are 4 Levels of sanctification:

(1)   Holiness

(2)   Clean

(3)   Unclean

(4)   Sinfulness

There is much more to discuss on the Book of Leviticus, to help you to understand about sanctification but I will omit it here.

To avoid taking this passage out of context, let us first look at the structure of Lev 15 to understand what the writer is trying to tell the reader. This is a chiastic structure:

V1-15  men abnormal discharge – sin and burnt offering required

            V16-17 men emission of semen

                        V18 couple sexual relationship   

            V19-24 woman’s monthly period

V25-30 women abnormal discharge – sin and burnt offering required

V31-33 closing warning to keep these sexual regulations

A few things can be observed from this short passage of Leviticus 15.

• Abnormal bodily discharge is sin. Normal bodily discharge is uncleanness. There is a different between sin and unclean. If a person sins, he must offer a sin offering to get back into fellowship with God and with the community. Otherwise he will be cut off and classified as “not my people”. Whereas, an unclean person is still God’s people but he cannot involved in rituals, priestly duties/services or participate in festivals. The time factor will restore his or her uncleanness to cleanness. Sometime, it is one evening. Sometime it is 7 days depending on the severity.
• A man who emits his semen has an equivalent to a woman who has her monthly period. Both are put in the passage and context. [In fact, a woman’s period cause her to be unclean for 7 days, while a man who emits his semen is only unclean till the evening]. There is no requirement for sin offering.
• A single man who emits his semen is similar to a couple (man and wife) having sexual relations, both are doing the same function – one doing alone, another doing with his wife. Both are considered unclean till the evening. Again, no sin offering mentioned.

So, base on this passage, the Bible is clear, masturbation is not a sin. But, it is an unclean action. And this action is due to our sexual behavior which God created us to be so. For the woman, she will have her monthly period; for a married man, he may have sex with his wife; and for a single man, he may masturbate. All these are unclean actions for a short period of time due to our sexual created behavior.

Another thought: I see masturbation as a “sexual-tension valve” and not a “sex toy”. A sex toy is when you engage in it daily or regularly and it becomes an addiction. Then you choose to constantly live in an “unclean” state, always out of worship, service and walk with the LORD. This is bad and it will soon cause you to drift away from your faith. On the other hand, when it is a “sexual-tension valve”, then when the sexual temptation is high, as in the case of Samson (in the opening email), then by doing an unclean act and stay unclean for an evening, you get the tension released and is once again back to usefulness for the LORD. From medical research, if a man is prevented from having sexual release, then the seminal fluids can back up, causing increased sexual tension and physical discomfort. It also increases the risk of prostate inflammation. This might explain why priests who practice celibacy and who view masturbation as sinful have a higher rate of prostate cancer.

The question then, how serious is an unclean action or person?

A Clean or unclean person in the Old Testament is usually referred to the kind of food the person eat or the state of mentality he is in. If he is sick, disease, or touches a dead person, he is unclean. Semen and blood are all life or life reproductive fluid, so when they are discharged they are dead. We worship a living God, and we must be alive not dead in order to worship him. So an unclean (“dead”) person is to stay behind and not go forward to God, so to speak. As a Christian, then, we would always want to be spiritually alive and not spiritually dead most of our time.

What about lust as in Matthew 5:28? When a man masturbates, he thinks about naked woman and have fantasy, isn’t that sin?

A man can lust after a woman without masturbation and that is sin according to Mat 5:28. Also, a man can masturbate without lust and that is not a sin but an unclean action as according to Lev 15:16. Sexual fantasy is not lust. Fantasy is imagination or day dreaming.

In Richard Foster’s book, Money, Sex & Power, page 120, he explained the difference between lust and sexual fantasy as:

When the sense of excitement conceives a plan to use a person, when attraction turns into scheme, we have crossed beyond erotic excitement into spiritual adultery. Lust is an untamed, inordinate sexual passion to possess, and this is a very different thing from the usual erotic awareness experience in sexual fantasy.

Hence, the first thing that believers should do is to refuse to bear the heavy burden of self-condemnation for every erotic image that floats through their minds. Sometimes sexual fantasies signify a longing for intimacy; at other times, they express attraction toward a beautiful and winsome person. Sexual fantasies can mean many things, and we must not automatically identify them with lust.

It is also helpful to recognize the positive function of fantasy. Through fantasy we are able to hold reality at bay while we allow the imagination to roam freely. Mature people are able to utilize the imagination without ever losing touch with the real world. Some of the world’s finest music and greatest inventions have come in this way.

***

Having stated what Richard Foster wrote, I want to clarify that we Christians should not constantly live in the world of sexual fantasy. Please, get Real!

What about the guilt and conscience pricking after masturbation? Isn’t that sin?

Ok, if you have guilt about masturbation, then “whatever is done not in faith, it is sin (Rom 14:23)”. So if you feel guilty and think God sees it as sin, then don’t do it. “For we walk by faith, not by sight” (2Cor 5:7)

What about society acceptance?

We always have to remember, however, that we live in a complicated society, where there are many differing opinions about every subject, particularly sexual ones. In figuring out his own relationship to the society he lives in, a boy may find it helpful to identify the major attitudes toward masturbation:

1. Traditional people, and a boy’s parents may be among them, believe that masturbation is sinful in every case, and harmful to health as well, although relatively few people believe it is harmful as nearly everyone believed it to be only half a century ago.
2. Some people with strong religious beliefs think that masturbation only distracts people from the true ideal of sexuality, which is a relationship in marriage with another person, usually for purposes of reproduction.
3. People who think of themselves as neutral about masturbation say it is a subject that requires further study, but meanwhile don’t want to encourage it as something that is positively good.
4. People who take a liberal view of masturbation, or what the psychologists call a “permissive” view, hold that it is not only harmless but is positively good and healthy, and should be encouraged because it helps young people to grow up sexually in a natural way.

(Quoted from Wardell B. Pomeroy’s book: Boys and Sex page 50)

So, let respect each other opinion and keep it private just like a married couple sexual relationship. We need not brag or post our sexual encounter on the Youtube.

However, let me caution you against addiction to masturbation. Just like most things, masturbation can turn into an addiction. If you find yourself daily masturbating or regularly in sexual fantasy, then you can be reasonably sure that you have a sexual addiction. Paul said, "'Everything is permissible for me'—but I will not be mastered by anything" (1 Cor 6:12). This includes masturbation. Also, you should never use pornography to masturbate. Pornography itself is a sin and degrading to God’s creation who created woman also in the image of God.

For me, after I was baptized with the Holy Spirit, the spiritual power has help me to break free from sexual thoughts and so overcoming masturbation is no longer an issue. Praise God.

My suggestion to all Christian brothers is, seek the baptism of the Holy Spirit!

Finally, let me end with 1 Cor 10:13 – “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man, God is faithful and HE will not let you be tempted beyond your strength. But with the temptation will also provide a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

So, to all the Samson out there, if you have the power to endure it, praise God. But if you don’t have that power and need to release the “sexual-tension valve”, do so in your privacy and avoid falling into lust, sin or addiction.

PS. The above sharing are just my personal thoughts. You may disagree with me. Feel free to comment or talk to me if you need some discussion.

Agape