Reflection: Eph 5:22-33 Strengthening Family Relationship

“Good title!”

That was my first thought as I read the Sunday Worship Order. A good title prepares the hearer.

“Maybe, it should be Strengthening Spouses Relationship”, knowing that Eph 5:22-33 is about husband and wife, not including children.

I was expecting to learn something about strengthening my marriage relationship after reading the title during last Sunday sermon.

Instead I kept hearing the word “power play”:
- Power play to get your need met
- Power play in aggression
- ….
- Submission relinquishes power play

After a while, I started counting the number of times it was spoken and lost track of the sermon.

As the speaker has said, he’s not going to expound the passage but only preach topically. That meant that he preached what he sees as appropriate for the congregation’s need. Half the sermon was on “power play” between husband and wife. Maybe, more than half. I remembered the hypothetical dysfunctional family illustration which the husband ended in adultery. Hmmn, I guess then that he knows that the congregation needs to stop engaging in “power play”. Being a pastor, he visits his flock, tends for them, and conducts pastoral counseling. Surely the message is appropriate to the congregation. OK, appropriate for the majority of the member.

But, I would be more prepared for the message would it have titled: “Power play in marriage”

Not able to get some practical aids on strengthening my relationship with my wife from this sermon, I need to do some serious reflection on my own.

The key to strengthening my marriage lie in me (as a husband) in loving my wife. Loves his wife is mentioned 4 times (vs 25, 28a, 28b, 33). Most of the time when a marriage gets into problems, it is the husband lack of visible love. We men don’t like to admit that but deep down inside us we know that what Paul said in Eph 5 is right.

How should I go about doing that practically?

Remember important occasions
The wife is meticulous over important dates – anniversary, birthday, mother’s day, Valentine days …

So, for the first time after more than a decade of marriage, I finally decided to order a bouquet of flower and deliver to her on her birthday. That was her birthday last year. Can you believe it if I tell you the bouquet is still in our bedroom even it is all dried up? See the impact of flowers? Let’s not sting on a bouquet of $60 flowers if that can strengthen spouses’ relationship.

Another thing I have not done is to bring her out for dinner, alone without the children, after more than a decade of marriage. So, I brought her out on Valentine eve. I had Bible Study on Valentine day so, no choice have to do it a day before. For me, these are very small and insignificant things. But to her, ….

Someone once joked that I am a “First class” husband.
No, I am an “Economy class”. I don’t have the money to be “First class” or “Business class”

Flowers, simple dinners are all economy class which we can all do that. Diamond and expensive gifts are “first class” which only first class husband can do. But the point in marriage is to fly the relationship forward, whether first class or economy class, it doesn’t matter.

Be Sensitive
Never talk to her when she is cooking. Any words touch the tips of the iceberg. Cooking is her Achilles’ heel. Just the other day, my daughter asked her to sign a school’s form while she was cooking. As I can guess, a barrage of thunder storm broke off. The girl was almost in tears, not knowing what she had done wrong. Later, I had to console and explained to the girl in privacy that it is not her fault. Every one has her soft spot. Just be sensitive not to press on it.

OK, I will just end here. It will get more sensitive.

Maybe ah, strengthening something need power leh.
So ah, power play in strengthening relationship is OK what!
That means the title is still good, right?